Wishing all the Mums out there a Happy Mother's Day.
This sincere message is going out to all the Mums, StepMums, WanaBeMums, TryingToBeMums FurMums, GrandMums, SisterMums, AuntieMums, Mums who have lost a child, Fathers who have lost their childs Mother figure, and Fathers who are in same-sex relationships, and taken on both roles as Mother and Father.
For many Mums, they look forward to Mother's Day, but to others, including myself, Mother's Day is a Trigger, along with other certain days, like Easter and Christmas.
It's funny looking back ... as a Child people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up?
My answer was always to be a "Mother", but I soon learned that people didn't like that answer, they wanted a Career, so I made it up, now I wanted to be a "Chartered Accountant".
That later changed to "Forensic Pathologist".
For me, I spend Mother's Day on the verge of Tears, and do cry several times during the day.
As a Mother, I feel inadequate, because I was never able to get down on the floor and play with them as babies.
I wasn't able to breastfeed either of my babies {because of my health}, who were 17 months apart.
The Kiddos were never put in Day Care, or as my friends called it "School".
Because I have been sick most of my Adult life due to a Jet Boat accident in 1996, I constantly worry that this has impacted on my kid's lives.
As the kids grew up, we took heaps of photos, but I was always insecure about my appearance, and have less than a handful of photos with me and the kids.
Literally, these are all the Photos of us together.
When Reilly was about five months old, I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression, which has now developed into "Long Term Depression", and I have been on Meds since I was 19 years old.
I am so proud of Reilly, as he graduates from University this week with Honours, in a "Bachelor of Engineering", with a Specialist in Computer Science.
Reilly is already employed as a Software Engineer at a BIG company in Wellington, on more $ than my Hubby earns!
JorjaRose still lives at home with us, and has been working at The Warehouse for 3 years now.
She is very Artistic, and loves to spend her days reading, or putting Kit Sets together - like our new {Work In Progress} Bathrooms!
Please do not get me wrong, being a Mother has been my greatest accomplishment so far, and I told my daughter so last week.
Of the last 30 years I have been through, my/our Kiddos have pulled me through times of Depression, two Spinal Op's with another 2 needed + a total reconstruction of my Ankle/Foot next year, and numerous accidents, where they {as Kiddos} had to call the Ambulance.
I fought like hell to have a family, like many other women, after having 2 Miscarriages.
With both Kiddos, I didn't find out what we were expecting, when Reilly was born unplanned on Rubbish Bags at our new Home {Yes, another Chapter}, we named him "Reilly John", John is a family name, and "JorjaRose" was saved for later, if we were fortunate enough to get a baby girl.
Their initials are actually switched, RJ and JR, and I have a Ying Yang Tattoo {from 20 years ago!!!} with 2 Dolphins chasing each other on my lower back - yes a Tramp Stamp!
Whilst pregnant with {pregnancy #4} JorjaRose, I lost my Memory, and got severe "Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction" {when the Pelvis separates}.
By 31 weeks, I was on Crutches with 2 Smiley Belts {to winch my Pelvis closed}, and a double TubiGrip {elasitacate Bandage} that supported me from mid-Thigh to under the Bust.
I was eventually hospitalised and in a Wheel Chair for a week, before she was induced at 38/3.
When she finally arrived {that is a whole Chapter on it's own}, I couldn't believe I had a baby girl, after all that I had gone through to get her.
As I always wanted to be a Mum, I worked my hardest to be there for them both, most people assumed I had twins as they were the same size.
I went back to work when JorjaRose was one year old to the day!
Fortunately, I was able to spend the day with the Kiddos, and I worked a Night Shift, from 4pm on - way past midnight, as a "Duty Manager" in an expensive Resort Hotel for 3 and a 1/4 years, that started 01.08.2004
Apart from my insecurities about being a "good Mother", what hurts the most about Mother's Day for me, is that my Kiddos hardly ever acknowledge it.
This year, I got a Text from my 22-year-old son, and my 20-year-old daughter has not mentioned a bean about Mother's Day today.
In the past I have been so upset, and have brought it up more than once to my hubby, and he would say, "Well you're not my Mother"!
I would reply with "No, but I am the Mother of your Children and you need to act on their behalf".
Mother's Day has also affected my own Mother, as because I am so sad on Mother's Day, the last thing I want to do is pop around and be a happy dutiful Daughter, when literally some Mother's Day{s} I have spent curled up in bed crying.
Today I went out of my way to make my Mum feel special.
I gave her a handmade Card with a Bookmark, a Photo Collage, a Cadbury Moro, and a Richmond Mall Voucher, plus I drove around to her house and shared a cupper with her this afternoon.
AND I sang her "Happy Mother's Day" twice!
I explained to Mum how much Mother's Day affects me {in Tears}, and she assured me she has some photos tucked away of me and the Kiddos, but in the interim, this is all that I have.
My hope is that if I am fortunate enough to become a Gran/Nana, I will teach my Grandbabies the importance of being thankful towards their Parents, and that Mother's Day and Father's Day should be "Any Day", as every day we should be thankful for what we have.
Last week, I decided to start "My Next Chapter", so I am taking photos of myself {and with the Kiddos}, Posting online, and sharing my Truth.
So the moral to my story about Mother's Day is Social Media is F A K E
We are all faking it, and pretending that we are "Happy" and "Cherry" with our Posts about Mother's Day, but deep down, some of us are crying on the inside.
I want you to know you are not alone. I cry with you.
